Why have a midlife crisis now, when kids your age have iPhones, hipsters and a whole lot of swag (YOLO!)?
The answer is simple. I just graduated high school. Well, that was four months ago. But last night, I found myself thinking in bed (after watching Johnny Depp’s “Rum Diaries”, which is irrelevant to the point I’m going to make but you gotta love the power of the parentheses!). Thinking about what, you ask? Well, I was contemplating in my mind about life, love and all other existential crap you can think of; which tends to happen every damn time you’re trying to sleep.
I wondered, “What have I done, now that four months have passed by since graduation?”
I should be at college, you say? Well, let me tell you something about the really weird education system that’s in place here in Burma. We graduate high school at 10th grade but in order to go to foreign universities (especially in America) which a lot of the private school students (like me; my mom, when I was a wee little boy, had the wisdom to see that the public school system was beyond crappy) do, we have to fill in for the 11th and 12th grades by transferring to other programs offering pre-collegiate courses to bridge the gap. Get it? Let’s move on.
I call those pre-collegiate years the Void. During the Void, many of us lose our way. There are so many choices and so many programs (which usually cost a hefty sum to attend) out there; a wrong choice could cripple your chances to go to a decent college. I’ve seen some of the former graduates floating away into the Void’s nothingness and rotting away; neither here nor there.
I am in my Void years. And I can feel myself rotting away as each day passes by while I idly play Defense of the Ancients and watch The Walking Dead on pirated DVD. My friendships have faded away as a result of neglect. My daily routine is mundane and monotonous. Have you heard about that huge party someone-who’s-a-friend-of-mine is throwing? Me neither. And it’s highly unlikely I will ever find out if not for a little birdy.
As I lay in bed thinking about what I’ve done (or haven’t done) these past few months, I quickly realized that I am in the Void. What pushed me into a full-on all-out Void-piphany was that little birdy who told me about the party. I wasn’t like this four months ago. I had friends. I had a life. I had fun. And all of a sudden, I’ve fallen out of the map. Yes, it hurts my ego. But it’s not about the popularity or friends. It’s about how idle and distant I’ve been. It’s about rotting away after high school, piece by piece.
As I write this post, I realized that whining about my pathetic excuse of a social life on the Internet is not going to help me at all. I gotta sort this out now and I mean now! I know I’m a smart guy. I HAVE to find the root of the problem.
And in that moment, I knew at once, that it was all in my mind. I chose to stay home playing games. I chose to pick The Walking Dead over going to the movies with the guys. I chose to do all the things that I did. It was me all along. I had a choice. I had choices and I made them. And now I know I’ll have to live with them but I also know it’s never too late to call up a friend or continue my education by simply picking up a book, and also finally choosing what program I’ll be attending next. I have to make these choices for myself and I better start making the right ones.
That said, my dear readers, I would like to tell you that I am a bloody fool. We all are. We are, after all, human and we, from time to time, tend to err. I know that now, dear readers. Thank you for helping me reach to this conclusion.
The Bloody Fool