It’s Late and I Want to Sleep: A Tale of Writing Because I Want To

As I type these first few words out, I anticipate that this will be a short post. It’s 10:40 PM here. I’ve had a long day and I am craving for some much-needed shut-eye. But I suddenly felt like writing; writing about anything and everything! Writing about something I really want to say and writing about things that I matter to me! Why? Because I’ve been writing for everybody else lately and very little for myself. There are papers for History class, field reports for Sociology, peer reviews for group projects, SAT Writing Section practice essays, the works. I need to write for myself and I think I’m on the right path to tending to that need. O, sweet catharsis here I come!

Dear readers, I am facing a personal crisis. I am torn between working for my own success and spending time on my friends. The SATs are looming (I’m taking them in June) and I’m in a hurry to make up for all the months I should have spent prepping for the damn test. High school is demanding. There are books to be read, topics to be thought deeply about, reports to be written (and sometimes rewritten!). I just spent this evening on all this stuff, ignoring the many calls of my friends.

Yes, my friends. I love them. I love these guys to death. They’re awesome, most of the time. But the worst thing is that spending time with them takes away time that could have been spent on investing in my (academic) future. Lately, I’ve been so focused on school that I sometimes tend to ignore what’s happening to my ‘peeps.’ Things are going on. I do not fail to see but I fail to act. You know that, like, everyone has their own problems. Shit is happening to everyone. I like to be able to help; even to just listen them out. I fail to act. And I feel horrible but I really need to focus on myself too.

Lately, we’ve been doing Buddhist philosophy in (surprise!) Philosophy class. Buddha talks to his disciples about the path to Enlightenment and that is the Noble Eightfold Path which, once you walk on it, would lead you to Nirvana; Enlightenment. Another name for this path is, “The Middle Path,” and let me gratuitously showcase my knowledge of the archaic Pali language, also known as the “Mizzima Padipada.”

Basically, following the Middle Path means that you do things in moderation. No swinging to extremes. You don’t pursue voluptuous worldly pleasures obsessively and you also don’t renounce your every possession like a hermit. You just live your life in moderation and follow the Middle Path, and all will be well. In time, and after an unknown number of reincarnations, you will have walked the path enough and reached your destination.

Anyways, I’m still torn between friends and my (academic) future. This is kinda cathartic; to have written about it. Thanks for reading. You know I love you guys. Peace out.

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